Why Am I Scared of Being in Labor?
I'm Scared to Go Into Labor!
Labor and delivery: it's kind of a big deal. While we all know that one person who “tra-la-la'd” their way through the process, most of us fall somewhere on the anxious scale between butterflies in our stomach and crying into a paper bag when we think about the work we are about to do.
It's normal to be nervous, really – I'd be more concerned if you had no questions or fears or doubts whatsoever. So let's talk about the fear of going into labor. In most cases, what does it really boil down to?
FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.
Let's identify some of the most common fears about labor.
I'm afraid something bad will happen to me/my baby.
I'm afraid it will hurt too much.
I'm afraid I will have to have surgery.
I'm afraid I will have the baby in the car.
I'm afraid I will have a 3-day labor like my friend.
I'm afraid of losing my dignity in labor.
I'm afraid of tearing.
These might be things you are afraid of or you might fear different aspects. You might not know exactly what you're afraid of. That's because your fear is of the unknown. You don't know if any of those things will happen and there is no way to find out until they happen. That's what's hard for those of us who like to plan things and be in control of our lives.
How do we battle the fear of the unknown?
KNOWLEDGE.
The first step is to know our enemy. If it has a name, we can defeat it. #whatwouldbuffydo
Identify your fears. Write them down. No really, get a piece of paper right now, and write down what you are afraid might happen when you go into labor.
Are you afraid of tearing? Start researching. What percentage of people actually tear during labor? What techniques or tools or positions are available to help reduce your risk of tearing? If you do tear, what tools or techniques are available to speed healing time and decrease discomfort?
Are you afraid you won't be able to handle the pain? Discover what options are available for both medical and nonmedical pain relief. Have a doula and support people who can help you through the discomfort and support you as you work through the decision making process of which techniques or medicines to utilize.
And so on.
It's okay if you're still scared. But it will help you a lot to know what you're scared of, and help you feel more capable if you know what to do if your fear is realized. We understand that we cannot predict how a birth will unfold, and that there will be at least some level of physical discomfort during the process – but we can meet it head on, ready to accept what will be. You can squeeze my hand as tight as you need to.
FEAR IS CATCHING
Fear spreads like chicken pox. Mind your sources when learning, listening, reading, and conversing (don't be like me and sit politely and listen to someone's detailed description of giving birth in the 50s while heavily pregnant). Block out scary stories and focus on visualizing the peaceful experience that you hope to have. A worry is like a prayer for something you don't want!
Just as fear is catching, so is bravery. Sometimes, when I am supporting a laboring client and they are having a tough time, I remind them: “think of all the other women in the world who are doing this right now – thousands of them, all experiencing exactly what you're experiencing right this moment. You're all in this together.”
You can read about the fear – tension – pain cycle and how it can affect your birth, and this is great information to have, but I maintain that it's normal for even the toughest woman to have moments of doubt and fear before and during labor. You can feel it and work through it and lean on your support people. Feel the fear and birth anyway.
If you were hoping I was going to say “birth isn't scary! Your birth is going to be perfect, just burn that paper with your fears on them and it'll all go away!” you're probably a bit disappointed right now – but I like to think that I have a little more realistic perspective having supported so many people through unpredictable situations, helping them be okay one minute, one contraction, one hour at a time.
It might be a challenge, but you can do it and you won't be doing it alone.
A lovely book I recommend on preparing for labor: (it's fairly hippie in case that's not your cup of coffee) Birthing From Within
***If you are experiencing symptoms like anxiety, intrusive thoughts, abnormal fears, and compulsions that interfere with your daily life, you could have a mood disorder such as perinatal anxiety or OCD. It's important to speak to your doctor/midwife and mental health professional so you can get the support you need and you don't have to suffer!***